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In the name of God the most merciful the most compassionate

 

Sexual Relation before Marriage*

 

Introduction

 

Every culture, nation, group of people, etc has its own set of rules. Based on the strength of adhering to those  rules, a person can be considered civilized or not in the eye of his group, culture, nation, etc. But what are rules. Rules can be derived from variety of things. A rule might be there because of a tradition highly reckoned by the community. Some other rules would be there because of some legislation or even because of  nave analysis, background, or concept. But among those rules, there are always a set of sacred ones that usually a group of people highly observed. To Christian those rules are those which are New Testament related. While To Jewish, the Old Testament related rules are more observed and favored. By same talking, to Muslims rules derived from Quran and authenticated tradition are more considered and highly observed. Following those rules, A person can be considered a civilian Muslim; other wise Islam will not honor his/her Islamic citizen and Identity.

 

Logical analyze:

Two logical facts should be considered:

a-                  Sex like any other instinct is a human need. Islam, as a rational religion, agrees on that and doesnt consider sexual desire a sin or negative unwanted, shameful act. Not at all, unlike other religion, Islam considers sex a human need like thirst and hunger, and that is very obvious in the Quran and Traditions. But the question is how to fulfill that desire and organize it.

They ask you concerning wine and gambling. Say: "In them is great harm (sin) and some benefits for people; but the harm (sin) is greater than the benefits, (2:219). 

 

 

 

b- As a realistic religion which legislates real solutions for humanity, Islam avoided any utopian doctrine. In many of its laws, Islam keeps in mind the flexibility of the law and the realistic factors and circumstances. A law can not be 100% good for every person, groups, culture, or country. However, Islam considers the over all values and gaining. If the advantages of a law overcome its disadvantages, then that law would be legislated and vise versa (from polygamy in Islam by the Author). Quran  says (2-219):    

 

 

Back to the topic (Sexual relation before marriage), It leads us to ask:
why that kind of sexual need before marriage is there:

1-     Is it because a person wants to explore his/her sexual behavior and instinct.

2-     Or, is it because the person needs to fulfill his instinct that God provided.


For both cases, Islam before deriving a verdict considers the overall benefit or harm by weighing the good and bad of the act. And as the reader will see from the following explanations, the bad consequences would be way more than the good ones.

 

In the first case, Islam does not prevent some one from exploring his/her sexual need or behave, but Islam limits and organizes the situation. It is either to be patient and try to avoid sexual incentive and stimuli or be responsible and get married. Otherwise, sexual instinct will start growing and growing and any tiny thing or act might be considered a sexual stimulus. And the western civilization, that calls for more open relations among male and female, proves its failure when regular sexual relation or marriage is not enough any more and Homosexuality became a need and who knows what is next? In addition to that, not a very desire and wish can be fulfilled because that is the way life is and a good example on that would be the example discussed on the second case.

 

In the second case, it is important to point out that as humans; we have to consider lots of factors and principles when dealing with each others. For instance, if a person likes a car, can he just take the key and drive it. No! Not that easy. He has to be patient and has to fulfill some conditions. First, it is not permissible to drive any car that you see and like unless the owner agrees. And if the owner agrees, you have to make sure that the car is legal, insured, good to go, etc. On the top of that, that person has to be a driver (with a valid driver license), sane, responsible, etc. Imagine all those conditions need to be fulfilled just for a car. Not mentioning, that if the person wanted to own a car the process would be more complicated. He has to have money, valid insurance on the car, good credit in case of financing, etc. Now, use that analogy and apply it on a person needs to explore or have a physical private relation with another gender. What would happen? Can he just pick any lady? But what if that lady is on drugs or has very complex social or health problem. What if the family-culture does not welcome such relation especially if the lady is still virgin and virginity is a taboo that can not be overlooked? Also, what if by a chance, the female partner gets pregnant. Then who will take care of the baby and what about its future.

If all of the above have been taking care of, then that relation better called pseudo marriage. But, Islam says better make it a real marriage whether that marriage is announced, secreted, or temporary one. Because marriage is a contract established to organize the life of man and woman and protects their rights. And in case the marriage does not work out at all, then there is divorce. But, indirectly, because of some western laws which are set for high speed growing materialistic society and some churches laws, early marriage concept was not that welcomed by people especially when divorce is not accepted in the main churches no matter what the circumstances are. So, People start avoiding marriage because it is a one way ticket and no turn around is accepted.
(You may also check out that at: http://www.islamology.com/Overview/Women/QuranVsBible.htm )
 

"...Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12

"O Prophet! When you do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately) their prescribed periods: and fear Allah your Lord..."

Quran 65:1

 

 

Nevertheless, Even though nowadays some moderate churches have legalized divorce, the government would make form the divorce a big legal financial deal.

 

So basically the following can be concluded:

I-          Sex outside of marriage consequences: physical and relational.

A-                                        Physical consequences

 Physical consequences are obvious nowadays: AIDS, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, etc. The only truly "Safe sex would be dedication to one partner or abstinence. Simply, that dedication, Islam added to it a contract to protect and organize the partners life and call it marriage. That marriage might be customized based on the agreement of the tow partners as long as that customization does not contradict with Islamic principles.  Or even might be just temporary one, according to some schools of thought. In Addition to that, sexual relation might lead to a real risk that a child could be born- Who is going to taker of him? Or should we legalize abortion which considered a great inhumane sin in Islam.

 

B-                                        Relational consequences

If a person disregards the Almighty God words by knowingly cherishing a sin in the heart and practicing it carelessly, for sure he/ she will disregard others. Because such person is not a person of principle, rather, a person of benefits. Also, all that impurity before marriage might affect his or her marriage relationship. Because, what kind of trust a husband would have in his wife, if he knew that her past was full with illegal sexual relation? And can a wife trust her husband to be away from home for couple weeks, if she knows that her husbands history is full of illegal relations. Is that a factor to a stable marriage or a sign of instability or termination? And what a relation with Almighty God, he would be establishing:

(1) - 20 - 124

Taha (20:124)

 

"But whosoever turns away from My Message, verily for him is a life narrowed down, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Judgment."



 

II-         But we are in Love!

If a person believes in God, then better disregard that excuse we are in Love, because fearing and Obeying Him has more advantages then following your own whims and desires. Be patient and try to avoid any stimulus. And keep in mind that God rewards those who are pious:
And whosoever keeps his duty to God, He makes his course easy for him      Quran 65:4

 And whosoever keeps his duty to God, God will appoint a way out for him, And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion. Quran 65:3-4

Yes, it is so hard to abstain from having a sexual relation with your beloved when you are both in a very private romantic atmosphere. Just flee from such kind of stimuli because following them before marriage will lead you to a momentum pleasure but it also can be a great immortal pain later on. Also, better use what God has provided you in a legal acceptable way and obey His law:
Quran (17:32)

-  17 - 32

 

And come not near unto Fornication. Lo! For it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to bad     (results.

 


III-        But we are going to be married

Then just be patient for the proper time. And from the beginning, starts your life with the obedience of God. Prove to yourselves that you are people of principle and you have self control. Because if a person gives up under moral temptation before marriage, what would stop him/her from doing the same with others once he/she is married?
Gods desire is more important than the selfishness of a desire. And if you can not be patient any more go a head and get married.
 

Overall, the whole idea is, Islam wants to protect the individual and organize his/her relation and life.

Sexual relation like any other act can not be left loose nor can be ignored.

Because making it loose, sexuality can be a monster that disregards all the rules and laws whether they are social or religious ethics. A quick look at the west proves that point: more sexual harassments, more fornication, more adultery, more divorces, more family problems, more immoral acts, more rated movies, songs, and ads, etc. On the other hand, ignoring and disregarding sexual need might create problems that are tantamount to those resulted from having loose sexual relations.

 

Sexual Relation in the eye others:

 

In Christianity:

 

Sexual relationship between unmarried people called fornication:

Fornication: is a voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married to each other. The bible says:

"Flee sexual immorality" (1 Corinthians
6:18).

For this is the will of God, even your sanctification that ye should abstain from fornication: (Thessalonians 4:3)

Another form of Fornication would be Adultery.

Adultery: is a sexual relation made by a married person with another one.
An adulterer is a man who has sexual intercourse with a woman that is not his wife. A woman who does the same thing is an adulteress.

They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.(John 8:4)

In addition to that, looking at a woman with lust is considered a big sin in Christianity:
 You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."  Matthew 5:27-29

"For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery..."
Mark 7:21

 

In Judaism

Fornication/Adultery:

For Jews, sexual relationship out side marriage is called Zana or Znh (which close to the Arabic word Zena/Zina) and the punishment on that is very clear in the old testament:

23-If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
-24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.  Deuteronomy chapter 22.

29- Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.  Leviticus Chapter 19

You shall not commit adultery  Exodus 20:14

 

So, all that boy friend girl friend that involves sexual relation is called fornication in the eye of the church; therefore is not allowed and it is forbidden.

 

In the common laws:

 

Several western states legislate that if two partners (girl friend and boy friend) living together with in the same house for a specific amount of time then they share financial liabilities.

For instance, in some Canadian provinces, if a man has his a girl friend living with him for about three months, then they share financial liabilities. While in some American states that period might be as low as six weeks and after that any partners can claim financial matters. For instances, if a girl friend is able to prove that she lived with her boy friend for six  months, then she has the right to be reimbursed for whatever she claimed for spending if she can proves it, even some cases she would be able to get half of the property.

 

 

 

 

 

 * By Ibraheem Serhane

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