Quote of the time:
In the name of God the most merciful the most compassionate
Sexual Relation before Marriage*
Every culture, nation, group of people, etc has its own set of rules. Based on the strength of adhering to those rules, a person can be considered civilized or not in the eye of his group, culture, nation, etc. But what are rules. Rules can be derived from variety of things. A rule might be there because of a tradition highly reckoned by the community. Some other rules would be there because of some legislation or even because of naïve analysis, background, or concept. But among those rules, there are always a set of sacred ones that usually a group of people highly observed. To Christian those rules are those which are New Testament related. While To Jewish, the Old Testament related rules are more observed and favored. By same talking, to Muslims rules derived from Quran and authenticated tradition are more considered and highly observed. Following those rules, A person can be considered a civilian Muslim; other wise Islam will not honor his/her Islamic citizen and Identity.
Two logical facts should be considered:
a- Sex like any other instinct is a human need. Islam, as a rational religion, agrees on that and doesn’t consider sexual desire a sin or negative unwanted, shameful act. Not at all, unlike other religion, Islam considers sex a human need like thirst and hunger, and that is very obvious in the Quran and Traditions. But the question is how to fulfill that desire and organize it.
b- “As a realistic religion which legislates real solutions for humanity, Islam avoided any utopian doctrine. In many of its laws, Islam keeps in mind the flexibility of the law and the realistic factors and circumstances. A law can not be 100% good for every person, groups, culture, or country. However, Islam considers the over all values and gaining. If the advantages of a law overcome its disadvantages, then that law would be legislated and vise versa” (from polygamy in Islam by the Author). Quran says (2-219):
Back to the topic (Sexual
relation before marriage), It leads us to ask:
1- Is it because a person wants to explore his/her sexual behavior and instinct.
2- Or, is it because the person needs to fulfill his instinct that God provided.
In the first case, Islam does not
prevent some one from exploring his/her sexual need or
behave, but Islam limits and organizes the situation.
It is either to be patient and try to avoid sexual
incentive and stimuli or be responsible and get
married. Otherwise, sexual instinct will start growing
and growing and any tiny thing or act might be
considered a sexual stimulus. And the western
civilization, that calls for more open relations among
male and female, proves its failure when regular
sexual relation or marriage is not enough any more and
Homosexuality became a need and who knows what is
next? In addition to that, not a very desire and wish
can be fulfilled because that is the way life is and a
good example on that would be the example discussed on
the second case.
In the second case, it is important to point out that as humans; we have to consider lots of factors and principles when dealing with each others. For instance, if a person likes a car, can he just take the key and drive it. No! Not that easy. He has to be patient and has to fulfill some conditions. First, it is not permissible to drive any car that you see and like unless the owner agrees. And if the owner agrees, you have to make sure that the car is legal, insured, good to go, etc. On the top of that, that person has to be a driver (with a valid driver license), sane, responsible, etc. Imagine all those conditions need to be fulfilled just for a car. Not mentioning, that if the person wanted to own a car the process would be more complicated. He has to have money, valid insurance on the car, good credit in case of financing, etc. Now, use that analogy and apply it on a person needs to explore or have a physical private relation with another gender. What would happen? Can he just pick any lady? But what if that lady is on drugs or has very complex social or health problem. What if the family-culture does not welcome such relation especially if the lady is still virgin and virginity is a taboo that can not be overlooked? Also, what if by a chance, the female partner gets pregnant. Then who will take care of the baby and what about its future.
If all of the above have been
taking care of, then that relation better called
pseudo marriage. But, Islam says better make it a
real marriage whether that marriage is announced,
secreted, or temporary one. Because marriage is a
contract established to organize the life of man and
woman and protects their rights. And in case the
marriage does not work out at all, then there is
divorce. But, indirectly, because of some western laws
which are set for high speed growing materialistic
society and some churches’ laws, early marriage
concept was not that welcomed by people especially
when divorce is not accepted in the main churches no
matter what the circumstances are. So, People start
avoiding marriage because it is a one way ticket and
no turn around is accepted.
Nevertheless, Even though nowadays some moderate churches have legalized divorce, the government would make form the divorce a big legal financial deal.
So basically the following can be concluded:
I- Sex outside of marriage consequences: physical and relational.
we are in Love!
Yes, it is so hard
to abstain from having a sexual relation with your
beloved when you are both in a very private romantic
atmosphere. Just flee from such kind of stimuli
because following them before marriage will lead you
to a momentum pleasure but it also can be a great
immortal pain later on. Also, better use what God has
provided you in a legal acceptable way and obey His
Then just be
patient for the proper time. And from the beginning,
starts your life with the obedience of God. Prove to
yourselves that you are people of principle and you
have self control. Because if a person gives up under
moral temptation before marriage, what would stop
him/her from doing the same with others once he/she is
Overall, the whole idea is, Islam wants to protect the individual and organize his/her relation and life.
Sexual relation like any other act can not be left loose nor can be ignored.
Because making it loose, sexuality can be a monster that disregards all the rules and laws whether they are social or religious ethics. A quick look at the west proves that point: more sexual harassments, more fornication, more adultery, more divorces, more family problems, more immoral acts, more rated movies, songs, and ads, etc. On the other hand, ignoring and disregarding sexual need might create problems that are tantamount to those resulted from having loose sexual relations.
Sexual Relation in the eye others:
Sexual relationship between unmarried people called fornication:
is a voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and
woman who are not married to each other. The bible
“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification that ye should abstain from fornication:” (Thessalonians 4:3)
Another form of Fornication would be Adultery.
is a sexual
relation made by a married person with another one.
“They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.”(John 8:4)
In addition to
that, looking at a woman with lust is considered a big
sin in Christianity:
For Jews, sexual relationship out side marriage is called Zana or Znh (which close to the Arabic word Zena/Zina) and the punishment on that is very clear in the old testament:
“23-If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an
husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with
“You shall not commit adultery “ Exodus 20:14
So, all that boy friend girl friend that involves sexual relation is called fornication in the eye of the church; therefore is not allowed and it is forbidden.
In the common laws:
Several western states legislate that if two partners (girl friend and boy friend) living together with in the same house for a specific amount of time then they share financial liabilities.
For instance, in some Canadian provinces, if a man has his a girl friend living with him for about three months, then they share financial liabilities. While in some American states that period might be as low as six weeks and after that any partners can claim financial matters. For instances, if a girl friend is able to prove that she lived with her boy friend for six months, then she has the right to be reimbursed for whatever she claimed for spending if she can proves it, even some cases she would be able to get half of the property.
* By Ibraheem Serhane
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