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Polygamy (plurality of wives) is
one of the controversial questions in the family system of Islam. The
following are a few points worth of consideration in an effort to
clarify the wisdom of polygamy and when it can be used: Introduction "
live with them ( wife or wives) on a footing of kindness and
equity” (Quran
4:19) “And women (wives) shall have rights similar to the rights against
them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of
advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” (Quran
2:28) Is there a perfect Solution?
I)
Polygamy
before Islam "After he left
Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons
and daughters were born to him."
II)
Polygamy
and the wife acceptance:
III)
Polygamy
could be a Natural and social need?
-
There are some men by
nature need more than one wife and their wives have no problem with
polygamy.
-
Monogamy is not just a
theory and is thoroughly practiced, so no more men were allowed to cheat
on their wives. Do you think for that group of people- who never
naturally get satisfied by one wife- Monogamy is a solution and is
sufficient?
-
There are women who
have no problem in marrying a man already having a wife especially if a
marriage is in their interest.
-
The majority of
society are women keeping in mind that:
o
Marriage age of
puberty mostly begins earlier in girls than in boys.
o
The power of
proliferation of women ceases at a certain age, after which pregnancy is
very rare case, whereas there is no such fixed age for men. In this case
where no enough men, do we tell those women just disregard your emotion
and desire or just abuse yourself through unlawful acts like being
Homosexual.
IV)
Homosexuality but not Polygamy! It is so ironic that several western
countries and some American states legalizing homosexuality under the
excuses of genetic and psychological problems or nature, but yet
disregarding vehemently any excuse for polygamy. Keep in mind that in Homosexuality, a
homo is destroying the structure of family by emphasizing strongly and
exclusively on his/her lust and disregarding other bonds and factors
that could create a continuation of a peaceful tranquil society. In
addition to that, Homosexuality makes a person’s live under the
emergency of lust and desire which starts growing infinitely and calls
for desire saturation at any time or any where jeopardizing the pure
ordinary relation between any two people. While in polygamy, the person is
restricting him self to more responsibilities and commitments since he
has to be just with his wives and treat them co-equally in everything:
money, living, emotion, etc. By that, he is just establishing a bigger
family and limiting him self to a clear honest accepted relation.
V)
Polygamy
and its Preconditions
in Islam Islam allows polygamy on some condition and
here are some of them:
a-
The wife(s) has no
objection about polygamy during or before the marriage contract. And if
the husband disregards that, the wife has the right to raise that to the
Islamic court.
b-
Equitable treatment
for all the wives
c-
Number of wives not to
exceed four.
VI)
Major
disadvantages of Polygamy: A.
Less time with the husband; since his spared
time is now shared between two or more wives B.
Less attention C.
Jealousy and unshared love; since the woman
likes to have full attention and full unshared love from her partner. D.
Family malfunctioning and Chaos since husband
spends less time with the children i.e. less discipline and guiding. E.
Less money saved or given to the wife and
children since money should be shared co-equally with the other family. F.
Population problems that burden the society
since both wives (may be more) are going to have children. G.
Unfairness and discrimination; since the
husband can have more than one partner while the wife should marry only
and exclusively one. The following explain each disadvantage as a case and analyze it to
show whether each one is worth it to be considered a case to overweigh
the advantage of polygamy. 1.
Case “A”: spending less time
with the wife might be because of other factors too. For instance, the
husband’s job is based on overtime or even it requires lots traveling
per year. So, do we say that he is not allowed to get married because
there is certain time he is not sharing it with his wife or his
children. Therefore, if a person is rich enough, rather than spending
his time at work and traveling from one country to another, he can
spends that time with another wife in a more aptly and equally
controlled way. Keep in mind that, if a husband has more than one wife,
he has to spend his time with his wives coequally. 2.
Case “B”: Less attention
to the wife might occur because of other reasons too. If the husband is
so much occupied by his job, business, or studying for sure his wife
will not get adequate attention. And if she does get some attention and
caring it will not meet her expectations. In this matter, Should we tell
those kinds of husbands to divorce their wives or not to get married if
there have not been married yet. Nevertheless, the wife should
understand her husband circumstances. She should bare with him the side
affect of marrying another wife since she did not from the beginning had
objected about the idea of polygamy and made a condition in her marriage
contract. 3.
Case “C”: That is right and
the emotion of woman and her interest should be highly considered by the
husband. However, if the
conditions of polygamy are satisfied and the husband’s desire is
above normal then what would be the solution. Should he just go a head
and cheat on his wife with women that usually hang out with any guy. And
by that he will be transferring diseases, committing adultery, and
threatening the family stability. Especially when cheating on the wife
becomes habitual with any lady that clicks on his emotion. 4.
Case “D”: Family
malfunctioning is a wide general problem and is not exclusively a result
of polygamy. Moreover, it is because of unwise decisions and acts
regardless of the size of the family. A person might find a disordered
family though it just consists of: husband, wife, and one child. But,
all of its members are conveniently ignorant and irresponsible. 5.
Case “E”: Applying that case
in the family is a disaster. And, its argument is so weak because what
if there is a big family. Or, what if that family consists of more than
5 or 6 members does. Should the wife start aborting lives to control the
budget of the family? Even in the case of using lawful birth control
ways, it would be forbidden in Islam if they are used because of the
fear of poverty. The Muslim, above all, has to rely on God, in any
aspect of life , because God is the one that bestowed upon him/her
before any one else, and because of His bestowing and wisdom you have
the tools and abilities to make money: “Kill not your children for
fear of want (poverty): We shall provide sustenance for them as well as
for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin” Quran
17:31.Therefore, that case is a big deal for those who really weigh
things based on money and materialism but it is not so with pious people
if the money where coequally and wisely shared. Nevertheless, money is
not everything. The husband who is rich now might be poor tomorrow. And
the husband whose job is very good today might be jobless one day. But
Moreover, the Muslim, above all, has to rely on God, when he is involved
in any thing, because God is the one that bestowed upon him/her before
any one else, and because of His bestowing and wisdom you have the tools
and ability to make money: “Kill not your children for fear of want
(poverty): We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you.
Verily the killing of them is a great sin” Quran 17:31. 6.
Case “F”: That argument
could be used in any big family even if it falls under the Monogamy
practice. Organizing the population is fine with Islam as long as no
abortion is involved even in the early the development phases when
the fetus still in like
fertilized egg or zygote. So, a husband who has two families
with acceptable number of kids rather than having big family with
numerous numbers of children will not threat population. 7.
Case “G”: That might sound a
fair complain and objection but if we research it and analyze it, it
would not be that valid and practical. It is just a utopian objection
that is driven by emotional reaction.
Islam has emphasized that taking advantage of the permission of
polygamy is
conditional on the observance of several factors and circumstances
-as it will be explained later. If the man lacks those material and
moral conditions, or he is not competent enough to satisfy all of them,
then he will not be eligible to take more than one wife. Also, Islam has
emphasized that the basic objective of healthy marital life comes from
mutual love and benevolence between the husband and the wife which
normally can be found in the form of regular marriage - monogamy.
Preservation of that cordiality, stability, and purity in the family
life can be seen clearly in the Quranic doctrines as well as in the
tradition of the prophet (p.b.u.h):
Quran says:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates
from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and
He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are
Signs for those who reflect.”(Quran 30: 21)”
Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H.) said:
"The best man among you is the best with his wife".
”The best of your women are those: Who are loving and kindly; who look
after their chastity; Who are not arrogant or disobedient to their
husbands; Who are faithful to their husband in their absence.”
Imam Ali (A.S.) said:
"By your chastity protect your wife from casting an evil eye on
others stealthily and entertaining an idea of sin".
"Be kind to your wife and treat her well. Kindness will change her
for the better, will keep her satisfied and will preserve her health and
beauty".
As a realistic religion that legislates real solutions for
humanity, Islam avoided any utopian doctrine. In many of its laws, Islam
keeps in mind the flexibility of the law and the realistic factors and
circumstances. A law can not be 100% good for every person, groups,
culture, or country. However, Islam considers the over all values and
gaining. If the advantages of a law overcome its disadvantages, then
that law would be legislated and vise versa. This concept is driven
from Quran: “They ask thee concerning wine and gambling. Say: "In
them is great harm (sin) and some benefits for people; but the harm
(sin) is greater than the benefits (2:219).”
Polygamy, like any other law, has its
disadvantages and advantages on both the husband and the wife. But
do those advantages overweigh the
disadvantages?
Let the following brief study judge that:
Polygamy existed before the advent of Islam among several civilizations
and religions. All that Islam has done is restricted it and make more
organized and civilized.
In his book, History of Civilization (vol.1 p.61), Will
Durant says:
The clerics in the Middle Ages thought that polygamy was an innovation
of the Prophet of Islam. But that is not the case. As we have seen, it
has been practiced in most societies before Islam.
Among the history lots of stories were narrated about men who cheated
on their wives or got married with more than one. Take an example from
the bible: some people accuse prophets and make them look sinful just
not to say they had more than one wife. Isn’t that Abraham (peace be up
on him) was married Sarah and from her he had Isaac and simultaneously
he was married to his made and had from her Ishmael?
The following are some phrases from the bible
2 Samuel 5:13
"He (Solomon) had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred
concubines..."
1 Kings 11:3
"And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and
the name of the other Zillah.
Genesis 4:19
"If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have
born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the first-born
son be hers that was hated: then it shall be, when he maketh..."
Deuteronomy 21:15
"if he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of
marriage, shall her not diminish."
Exodus 21:10
The point here is not to say that monogamy never been practiced or not
applicable. However, it is just a wondering that
how come the legalized polygamy in Islam is inferior to the
unlimited clandestine adultery in other religions and civilizations.
a) What if a woman does not accept polygamy
First of all, marriage in one of
its phases is a legal contract between the wife and the husband. Both
partners have the right to add any condition that they think it will
help them to protect their future life. So, if a woman thinks polygamy
is against her interest, then she has the full right to announce her
objection during the marriage contract as a condition and a right for a
valid contract or else it will be nullified. Based on that, the husband
has to commit to that condition or he would have no right to keep her as
a wife if she decides to get divorced and was approved by the Islamic
court, especially if divorcing the husband is controlled by the wife.
b)
What if the wife’s condition is
disregarded?
Like in any other law, a person
might misuse the law to seek his/her interest. If a husband, who
previously has committed in the marriage contract not to marry another
woman, decides to have a second wife, then his current wife has the
right to ask for divorce and raise that issue to the Islamic court. But
is it fair that the only thing the wife can do is to ask for divorce in
this matter.
Is that Fair?
Answering that question is not simple since each case has its own
circumstances. First of all, the question would be; why is the husband
thinking about another wife, especially when both partners have agreed
to dysfunction polygamy in their marriage life. In this case and before
divorcing, a social worker assigned by the Islamic Court has to
study the case and judges it. For instance, may be the husband wants
children and his current wife is barren but yet he still loves her and
wants to keep her as a wife in addition to his new one. Furthermore, if
the wife is the one who is controlling the divorce process -not the
husband- then she can divorce her husband if that avails her.
Overall, Same question would be asked. As an American is it fair that I
can divorce my wife or she can divorce me at any time.
What if:
The following are the major disadvantages of polygamy from
the Wife Perspective:
But are the above disadvantages are exclusively because of
polygamy, or they can be found in monogamy as well. And can any of those
disadvantages considered a big obstacle if compared to the advantages of
conditional pure polygamy.
Over all, the reader has to keep in mind that purity, honesty, justice,
and doing good are one of the major attributes that Islam calls for.
Therefore, any relation or behavior that is committed by the husband or
the wife and it does not fall with in those categories, it would be
considered a big sin and inhumane act i.e. a major disadvantages:
“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith
and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, and injustice and rebellion:
He instructs you, that ye may receive admonition” (Quran 16:90)
First, because Islam considers the husband as the main supervisor in the
family though the wife has it important supervisory role: “Men are
the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one
more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Quran 4. 34”
It is the husband’s responsibility to find a job, work hard, make
money, make the life of his wife and family comfortable and if the wife
is working, the money that she makes will be her exclusively and has the
full right not to spend it on the husband. Also, while men emotionally
-and even physiologically- more rigid and they are more prepared for
hard circumstances and environment women usually are more emotional,
benign, and sensitive. Such factors, in addition to some others, make
the husband more reliable to be in the charge of supervisory.
Second, the wife is more toward one-to-one exclusive loving relation.
Her complex emotions make her more comfortable in being dedicated to one
person i.e. one husband; especially if she feels that her husband is the
person that can offer her protection, love, honesty, and tranquility.
And that might me the explanation why usually women are more jealous
than men. They, generally speaking, go crazy if they feel or even see
the husband looking or talking kindly to another woman.
Third and as described above, the wife-in general-considers emotion as a
priority, and if she is getting full attention and love from the husband
side, she will not feel comfortable in sharing her emotion with another
man nor giving him her body since any physical contact should first pass
through the gate of honest, valid emotion. However, some women might
not be that way, but as mentioned before the law goes with majority. If
there are some special cases then they have to be reviewed by an Islamic
Court for proper Islamic solution. On the other hand, the husband,
especially in the long run of marriage, might give emotion less
attention. He, in general, would be more attracted and attached to
physical beauty than emotion; since he sees in that attraction an
ultimate satisfaction for his desire. That physiological behavior, which
widely seen in men, becomes a threat on the relation with wife if it
starts growing or becomes uncontrolled. Since, it will push the husband
to have unlawful hidden affairs with other women causing less attention
and caring on the wife side. In that situation, when the husband’s
sexual desire can not be saturated by just one woman - especially when
his wife has pregnancy or menstrual related issues or not emotionally
ready when he needs her, what would be the solution?
Fourth, assume the following the husband marries more than one wife and
those wives each one of them marries additional husband then what about
the children to whom they belong or to whom they listen. And if the
husband wants to apply his supervisory role, the wife of two husbands
might end up of two contradicted statement .Also, who is going to spend
on the family? Overall, a family, like any other healthy organization,
can not have two principals or supervisors. Can a person imagine a
country directed by two presidents?
So theoretically it might sound good for the wife to have more than one
husband, but since Islam considers the husband as the main supervisor of
the family it would not be practical at all.
In general, Polygamy is not allowed if it will become a destructive
behavior and carelessness. And the husband who is misusing it, he is
basically misusing the law. In such case, the impious human is the
problem not the law itself.
* By Ibraheem Serhan Amely
